Barren
by EvenInProse
Summary: She closed her eyes for a moment before meeting Gray's gaze. "Maybe we aren't meant to have kids." She whispered. The words floated out like a sigh, soft, resigning. The years of fear manifested in that one sentence that hung between them. One-shot Gray/Claire


"Just tell me Trent." Her voice was light and steady, bracing for the news. She clasped her hands together in front of her, and her blue eyes stared resolutely at him. Time was ticking by, and each second that passed seemed to grow longer and longer. Her gaze never wavered from his face though, searching for the tinniest betrayal of his thoughts. She studied each line and curve, the three small wrinkles around his left eye, the slight downward turn of his mouth. She looked for a sign, a quake, a tremble, anything. But, his face was like stone. He knew what she was searching for. He tried to be neutral, so he met her gaze full force. Grey and blue clashed. He couldn't hold her stare though. He practically saw the hope in them. The swirling blue of her eyes that years before had captivated him now filled him with shame, a dread he couldn't shake off. He lost the battle and quickly glanced away, just for a second. She knew immediately, and when he looked back her eyes were dull.

Trent mentally cursed himself for his carelessness. He made a mistake. Even though years had passed, he never could keep a secret from her. But, he steadied himself. First and foremost, he was her doctor. His voice tried not to break, but the strain was evident.

"We can try again. It's not uncommon for IVF to fail at first. Come back in a month. We will start the sequence again, but this time we will extract more eggs." He sounded positive. Today was just a setback, a small blip in her care. There was nothing to worry about. Trent continued, growing more confident as the words rolled off his tongue. They could still succeed.

"Next time, I'll implant more embryos. There'll be a greater chance of success." Trent turned towards the other occupant in the room. "Gray, do you want to give the shots again or come here and have Elli do it?" Gray finally looked up. His eyes had been glued to the floor, not meeting anyone's gaze since he walked into the clinic.

"I'll do it." he replied. A weariness crept into Gray's voice though, and Trent paused for a moment. He had been too consumed with Claire to notice Gray's appearance at first, but now he studied the blacksmith. Gray's clothes were disheveled. The shoulders of his coveralls hung limply about him, showing that he'd lost a bit of weight since Trent had last seen him. While his UMA hat was still faithfully perched atop his head, his face was haggard. His eyes were tinged red, with small dark circles beneath them. Trent realized how much the struggle had affected him. Gray's forehead was creased in concentration as he stared back at the doctor, and Trent met his gaze as understanding passed between them.

"Either way," Trent continued, "I want you both to make the next appointment before you leave. Why don't we schedule something for-"

"No." Claire's small voice carried through the clinic, reverberating around the room. All eyes turned toward her, shocked at the resoluteness in her tone. Her eyes bore into Trent, and he felt the hardness in her gaze. Her eyes dared him to speak again, to contradict her. He rose to the challenge.

Trent started again "There's no need to think the worst yet. We can-"

"I said no." Claire stated, more forcefully than before. "No more tries."

The words had barely left her mouth before Gray's voice, low and desperate sounded. "You want to give up?" he questioned. The words escaped his mouth in a hiss, angrier than he intended. He rounded on her, finally standing and crossing the small clinic room towards the patient bed. Bending down to her level, his knee touched the floor as he moved to hold her hands. Their eyes met, and Gray saw his own despair reflected at him.

Claire started to speak again, her voice shakier than before. "I…" stuttered Claire. She took a large breath in, composing herself. "I can't do this again." She closed her eyes for a moment before meeting Gray's gaze. "Maybe we aren't meant to have kids." She whispered. The words floated out like a sigh, soft, resigning. The years of fear manifested in that one sentence that hung between them.

"Don't say that!" Gray barked back. He had heard enough. His wild eyes bore into her as his hand tightened around hers. Claire winced slightly from the pressure. She refused to back down though. Her words were piercing and shrill as she responded. "Well it's the truth. This will be the 5th round Gray. We can't keep doing this. I can't, and it's my fault." Her words tapered off pitifully. All the confidence she had moments ago fell apart, and Gray finally saw her weariness. Her shoulders shook, and watery blue eyes stared back at him. Gray slowly stood up and helped Claire down from the exam bed. "I think it's best we go" he stated. Gray continued to hold Claire's hand as they shuffled towards the exit. He paused and looked over his shoulder at Trent. "I'll come back and check in with you later." With that, the couple walked to the main lobby and out the door.

After they left, Trent slumped into his office chair. He had wanted to tell Claire not to worry. He wished he stopped them and reassured her that it still wasn't too late. Next time for sure. At the time though, he found that the words wouldn't come forth. He had stood rooted to his spot, nodding gently at Gray as they passed. He wondered why he failed to reassure them. Surely, they knew how normal this was. They were still a fairly young couple. There could be other tries. But try as he might, he could not find the words to comfort them. He wasn't even sure whether the words would comfort or hurt at this point. He couldn't do much, but he sincerely hoped that they would come back.

Meanwhile, the walk back to the farmhouse was silent. Gray's hand still engulfed hers as he led them both down the well-worn path. Their feet clicked against the cobblestones with each step, and each click rang down the street. A sad, quiet dirge for their march home. The eternity of the noise pounded through Claire's head, and she found herself lost in its throws. Click. Click. Click. She couldn't think. She could barely breath. The sound repeated over and over. It resonated like a ringing in her bones. Until, large arms enveloped her, and all was quiet. No noise. No thoughts. Just stillness. With that motion, she collapsed into his arms. Her body wracked with sobs, heaving in his embrace. He let her cry into him. Tears dampened his coveralls, and he cried with her. His own tears slipped forth and rolled down his cheeks. They plopped softly onto her head, alerting her to his own condition. Before she could speak, his voice crackled out, "Don't. Don't ever say that again Claire. This has never been your fault." Pain was evident in his voice as he cradled her in his arms. Even through all these years together, he never realized how much she held herself accountable.

"Do you really want to stop?" he asked. He was genuinely asking. There was no hidden malice or anger laced in his question, just his desire to understand her. He forced her head up to look at him. Her face was a blotched mess of red and pink, and she wiped her running nose furiously with her sleeve. She managed to compose her self well enough to answer him.

"Look at us Gray" she replied hesitantly. "Look at me. I'm not as young as I used to be, and I don't think any more attempts will work." Her shoulders sagged down as she lifted her hands out in front of her and stared at them. "My body just can't. I feel like our time is running out." Her voice was small as it echoed around their house, and Gray studied her. Truly studied her. He saw her age clearly in every line on her face. Sun spots dotted her cheeks from her long summers outside, while small crows feet gathered around her eyes. Claire held her hands out to him, and he took each own in his own, turning them this way and that. He felt the rough calluses from her hoe and hammer, saw the flaccid skin with protruding veins on the backs of her hands, and gently touched the swollen joints of her fingers. These hands had held his for years, and they carried their story in each line and wrinkle and curve. Gray gingerly turned her hands back over and kissed each finger tenderly. Staring at her, he finally understood. Their age defined them now, but he would not let it hold them back.

"There are other options" he assured her. His hand stoked her head, comforting her until each sob was quieted. "I promise Claire. You'll be a mother, and I'll be a father." He continued. The sureness in his voice calmed her slightly, and she clung to him that night as they laid together in bed. While she lacked hope, his resoluteness, his faith, kept her going.

The next morning, Gray was a man possessed. He cleaned every nook and cranny in the house, swept each floorboard, and dusted away any cobweb they had allowed to gather. Every surface was scrubbed. Bed linens were changed, and windows were thrown open. With dustpan and broom in hand, he practically forced Claire out the door in the morning. He spent the entire day cleaning and organizing. When Claire returned to their home after tending to the farm, she found him fast asleep. Curled up on the couch, he was still clutching the vacuum rod. Claire laughed and moved to cover him with the spare blanket when the crib caught her eye. Set up at the base of their bed was the white baby crib. Soft pastel green and yellow blankets laid folded inside, and a small stuffed brown bear rested against the bars. Claire's breath caught looking at the precious items. They had put everything away years ago when their first attempts failed. Previously, the empty crib served as a constant reminder, but now Claire felt the stirring of hope again. She smiled to herself and ran her hands over the blankets, enjoying their plush softness. Soon, their child would be here. She believed in him, and with that thought, she felt his strong arms wrap around her middle. His warm breath graced over her skin as he kissed the crook of her neck, sending her pulse racing. She could feel his broad chest and the heat of his core against her back.

"You've been busy" she remarked playfully as she spun around in his grasp to face him. His hands danced over her stomach and hips, pulling her closer to him. She caught his burning gaze before she pulled his head down closer to hers and kissed him. His mouth was hot and hungry as he deepened their kiss, engulfing her in desire. Somehow Claire managed to break away, catching some much-needed air. "You must be tired" she continued breathlessly. A haze coated his blue eyes as he bent down to kiss her neck again, leaving feather-light touches that caused her to shake with anticipation.

"I'm not that tired." He whispered against her skin. His raspy voice was filled with need. In another instant he was back to kissing her. He devoured her mouth as he explored every inch, before they tumbled down together to the bed. 

* * *

_9 months later_

Claire stared at the tiny baby in her arms. Large amethyst eyes blinked back at her before they drifted shut again. The baby had just finished her bottle, and Claire laid her gently into the basinet. She looked so perfect. Small brown tufts of hair peeked out from the little white hat she wore, while her tiny toes paddled furiously against the pastel yellow onesie. Claire beamed down at her child, gingerly touching her tiny hand before it closed around her finger. Claire relished in the feeling of the tiny fingers wrapped around hers, anchoring her in place. At six months old, the baby still didn't sleep through the night, so these quiet moments were Claire's chance to sleep and relax. However, Claire was always so fascinated just watching her that she often forgot to sleep herself. She stood over the basinet amazed, watching the small rise and fall of her chest, the fluttering of her eyelashes against her cheek, and the slight twitch of her pert nose.

Life seemed so strange. 9 months ago her hopes were crushed, but now she was a mother. When Gray had brought up the idea of adoption, they jumped on it. They had gone back to Trent with their desire, and the good doctor helped them find a child in need. Soon enough they were filling out the paperwork, mailing in the applications, and preparing for their daughter to come home. They found Jill through an agency that worked with placing children from young mothers in the city with forever families. Letters were exchanged, social workers visited, and shortly thereafter Jill came bounding into their lives. She arrived in the winter, three days before Gray's birthday. A social worker knocked on their doorstep in the early morning, and in her arms was a tiny bundle, swaddled to the hilt in blankets and coats to protect her from the cold. The odd pair was ushered inside to a cup of warm tea, and Claire and Gray met their daughter for the first time. Once the layers were off her, they saw how small she was. Her tiny body was clothed in a gray onesie two sizes too small, but her hand reached out to them. With that action, Gray and Claire started crying. Claire scooped the baby up into her arms and held her close while Gray quickly oversaw the remaining paperwork. He finalized the adoption papers with the social worker and saw her out the door before rushing over to Claire and the newly named Jill. Their family was complete, and life had changed for them ever since.

Suddenly, Claire heard the door open quietly and the sound of footsteps against the wooden floor. Gray snuck up behind her, encircling her in his arms as they stared down lovingly at their daughter. "How are my girls doing today?" he whispered into her ear. He smelled of smoke and furnace, an aroma she grew used to over the years. He must have come straight from the forge.

"It's been a day" Claire countered, her voice quiet so as not to wake the baby. "Jill just settled down to nap. She was wired all day. I had to walk around the farm in circles with her or else she would start crying again. I think she missed her daddy" Claire teased. Her eyes lit up as she rose onto her toes and planted a quick kiss on Gray's temple. Gray's smile engulfed his face as he moved to pass a gentle touch over his daughter's cheek.

"Daddy missed her too" he mumbled, a pink blush dusting his face. He paused for a moment before turning back to Claire mortified. "Wait….You didn't take her into the coop did you?" he exclaimed. "Those chickens are evil!" His face turned pale as he looked at Claire aghast. Was Jill ok? They didn't attack her did they? He quickly moved back over to the basinet to inspect Jill. His eyes ran frantically over her little form making sure each finger and toe was accounted for.

"No, they didn't attack her. They were really quite sweet with her." Claire laughed at his antics. "They really only hate you Gray" she joked, her voice teasing and light. Her husband never did get along with her brood, though Heihei was probably his least favorite. The rooster did seem to have it out for him on occasion, though whether he targeted Gray or just happened to stumble into him was unsure. Heihei was not the smartest rooster Claire had owned by a long shot. When they initially adopted Jill, Gray had taken over some of the farm chores to help Claire. The first day he came back with scratches and a couple bite marks from his time with the chickens. Goddess knows what he did to annoy them, but since then he refused to step foot in their coop and maintained a healthy distance from their outside pen.

Gray cleared his throat and mumbled, "Well, still don't bring her around them. They could turn on you in an instant." His voice and gaze were far away, as if reliving his initial encounter. He still looked a little too pale, and Claire moved to hug him. "Ok. Ok. No more trips to the coop. But she did enjoy seeing the animals and walking around the farm." She pressed herself closer to him, reveling in the warmth he exuded.

"That's because she's your daughter. Farming is in her blood." His jovial voice echoed through the house, and Claire observed his serene face as he stared at Jill in her basinet. She loved seeing the pure, unabashed joy in his eyes. Gray turned his gaze back to Claire. "Do you remember what day it is?" he questioned. A smile lit up his face as he beamed a dazzling look at her. However, Claire was too caught up in the moment to register his question. After all the years of trying and hoping, they finally had their own daughter. Their lives were forever filled with happiness. Through the 2AM feedings, the sleepless nights, the never-ending amount of dirty diapers and bib clothes, Gray and Claire smiled constantly. The years of despair and hopelessness melted away as they basked in their completed family. Some part of Claire still couldn't believe that this tiny baby was hers, that she was finally a mother. She was incredulous at all that had happened in the past few short months, but Gray steadied her. Their dreams finally came true. The small bundle sleeping peacefully before them was proof. Gray bent down and kissed her on the forehead, whispering "Happy Mother's Day Claire." 

* * *

A/N:

I keep thinking I want to write something cute and fluffy for once, but then the story ends up merging to something else. Hopefully, this isn't too sad. I think it ends on a happy note. I wanted to write a Mother's Day one-shot and who better than our beloved Claire and Gray. Like many others, I really love this couple. I think that Claire and Gray could survive a lot together which is why I chose them for this fic. Infertility and miscarriages are hardly ever talked about, even though it is common for a lot of couples. Hopefully, this topic becomes less and less taboo, and we can openly support those going through these issues. The topic of adoption is very near and dear to my heart, so I hope everyone enjoys this one-shot. Happy Mother's Day to all the mother's and mother figures out there. We would be lost without you.


End file.
